How to Make Tea

  1. Fill tea kettle with water
  2. Forget to turn on the burner
  3. Wait fruitlessly for your water to boil
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

How to Find a Lost Item

Let’s say you can’t find something, for instance your calculator, or sunglasses say.

  1. look where they should be, but aren’t
  2. look in maybe three other logical places, where they’re not
  3. continue to look in these SAME places, even though you have already seen they’re not there
  4. eventually, someone will visit you and find your items sitting there obviously
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

How to shop for Groceries

  1. Wait until you are very, very hungry
  2. Go to the store.
  3. Wander around in a daze, picking mostly pre-packaged food ready to eat.
  4. Forget what you originally came to the store for.
  5. When you get home, eat most of what you bought immediately.
  6. Return to the store the next day.
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

How to Check Email

  1. Turn on computer and email software.
  2. Start cooking a meal, probably breakfast.
  3. When you hear the “you’ve got mail” sound, go see your email and start replying to everybody.
  4. Continue this behavior until you either:
    1. Hear something overboil
    2. Smell something burning
  5. Rush back and try to salvage your meal.
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

How to Clean your House

  1. Invite people over to your house.
  2. Set aside an amount of time before the party that you will dedicate to cleaning.
  3. Put on music so you can ROCK OUT while you clean.
  4. Turn on your computer and check emails, facebook, and your website stats until you have about a quarter of the time left.
  5. Get something to eat.
  6. Realize there is not much time left for you to get much of anything done.
  7. Right before they arrive, scurry around like a mad person frantically trying to get at least the surface areas clean.
  8. Put everything else in the closet or under some blankets or something and hope they don’t ask.
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 1 Comment

How to End a Phone Conversation

  1. Make sure you have exhausted all possible subjects and explored all tangents with the person you are talking to.
  2. Look at the clock to see that you need to hang up or be late for something
  3. Explain to the person all the things you have to go and do now.
  4. Right before you say goodbye, suddenly bring up a new subject that you HAVE to MENTION!!!
  5. Go on for another twenty minutes.
Share
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment